July 7, 2020

Thankful His mercies are new every morning.m

Today was a struggle.

A struggle to get out of bed; exhausted.

A struggle to focus.

A struggle to think beyond the all over itching from PMDD.

A struggle with sensory overload.

A struggle to think.

A struggle to comprehend.

A struggle to communicate.

It took until after lunch time to finally feel like my brain was back online; until I finally felt like I could function again.

It would be nice if I could predict when these kinds of days are coming. Even with tracking things related to PMDD, I can’t always know when these overloaded days are going to hit out of nowhere.

Especially when it’s more related to the social functioning with being autistic. I’m high functioning; until I’m not. It sucks when I’m not. Especially for no reason. It’s as confusing to me sometimes as I’m sure it is to anyone else. Because I got an hour less sleep last night than the prior couple of nights? Because my dreams felt heavy in my head when I got up this morning because they were so disturbing to me on an emotional level? Who knows? I don’t. Maybe it’s just part of being autistic, or the PMDD, or the general blah that creeps up during this wretched pandemic. I don’t know.

It’s like when you wake up and your arm is asleep, and you try to move it, and it might move in the general direction, but it just kind of flops around like a fish out of water, and doesn’t really do what you tell it to do until it finally “wakes up” a little while later. That’s how my brain felt today.

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